It is Thursday evening, I was planning to write about baseball and community stewardship, and I do not have the energy for any of that.

Instead, dear readers, I will pose this question to you:

What is a man on a horse?

Yesterday, December 8, 2021, the following review was posted to the site The Everywhereist:

Bros., Lecce: We Eat at The Worst Michelin Starred Restaurant, Ever

If you have not yet read this, please stop here, click on the link, and read the whole thing.

Then, once you are done, move on to this:

Then come back here.

Did you do what you were told? Or did you read ahead without reading the review and the followup on Twitter?

Jim, come on now. I see you there. You skipped the tweets, didn’t you?

Oh, I’m just kidding, Jim.

I’m just filling space.

I’m so tired.

Now that we’re this far and everyone has read everything:

What is a man on a horse?

Well, for one, he is easy to find on the Internet:

I found him at something called surfnetkids.com and I suspect there are a lot of other fine things to be found there. Apparently though it originates from a site called freekidscoloring.com. Except, that is the same site as the other one. As an email I once received urgently wanted to know, WHAT’S THIS ALL ABOUT?

Also the above paragraph was interrupted by my putting my child to sleep and then going into the kitchen to open the package of LEMONWAFER COOKIES I got at the store:

I’m not even going to pretend at this point that I’m actually going anywhere with anything.

The review - piece? entry? post? what on earth is the correct word? - whatever, that’s the most I’ve laughed at something posted on the Internet in months. What a wonderful experience and a wonderful approach to it all.

By crikey I’m going to buy her book!

Oh wait I’ve been told I need to tell people what I want for Christmas.

Hey, I want her book! THIS ONE. Figure out amongst yourselves who’s getting me this and who’s getting me, uh, a new handkerchief or whatever. Jimmy, Jimmy, don’t worry, you don’t need to get me anything, I didn’t mean you.

Seriously though, what is a man on a horse?

Would the ants in the grass understand what a man on a horse is?

You can buy the mouth. Only 45 Euros!

James, do NOT buy me this. For the love of all that is sacred do NOT buy me this.

Lecce, if you didn’t know, is down in the bootheel. I have nothing interesting to say about this. Not tonight. Sorry, Lecce.

I don’t know anyone named Geraldine. Not personally. I did once see the Geraldine Fibbers live though. They opened for Urge Overkill. This was the last Urge Overkill show, 1995, before they broke up. They reunited! At least Nash and Eddie did. I’m not sure where I’m going with this. Here’s a Geraldine Fibbers video for you. I recognize this, which, okay, cool:

At that Urge Overkill show I was near the front. This being 1995 this was still a time of crowd surfing and such. Dude next to me looks at me and says, “You want up?” And I said no - I mean, why? The he said, “You’re going up.” I’m still a little lost as to the physics of all this but dude grabbed my leg and some other dude must have grabbed my other leg? And suddenly I was hoisted above the crowd. But I wasn’t perpendicular to the crowd, I was parallel, these dudes weren’t supporting anything besides my legs. I bent forward, I bent backward, and I fell to the floor and hit my head. I was fine! And thanks to all this a guy at the show was able to find me! Well, maybe I wasn’t fine. Maybe I’ve never been fine since. I mean, do I seem fine to you, Jameson?

Here at META-SPIEL we strive every day for the avant-garde.

And here is a man, or maybe a boy, or maybe he was a boy and now is a man, or maybe a woman with a man’s name, or maybe a Finnbot, and all he wanted to do was draw a man on a horse.

But… what does that even mean? What on earth might this person, or alien robot, have completed with the $75.00 he raised from Kickstarter? A man on a horse? But what is that?

We will find out. We will find this Matt Bitner. Who has apparently gone on to create a video game named A Robot Named Fight! This makes perfect sense to me. Perhaps I can get Geraldine DeRuiter to review Matt Bitner’s video game. Perhaps I can get Geraldine to get Rand to play the video game. She seems busy, after all. I am not as clear as to whether he is busy. This is because I am not actually bothering to look anything up. I mean, obviously, I’m looking a lot of anythings up, but come on, you want me to research the veracity of thrown off statements at this point?

My wife correctly identified what sentence made me laugh the hardest:

But we got twelve kinds of foam, something that I can only describe as “an oyster loaf that tasted like Newark airport”, and a teaspoon of savory ice cream that was olive flavored.

As I’ve now told multiple people, this all makes perfect sense to me. I’ve eaten a meal at the Newark airport. You know you’re going to be let down. You’ve already been beaten down - you are, after all, eating at the Newark airport. But then you convince yourself that maybe it’s going to be decent after all, it looks alright. And it just isn’t. You’re let down even more than you expected, even though you knew better. I can only imagine that’s what she meant.

I was at the Newark airport - I think - because I was in New Jersey for work, setting up point of sale software for an installation called Field Station Dinosaurs, a bunch of animatronic dinosaurs tucked into an abandoned corner of a branch of the Hackensack River, and sunfish holy breakfast if it isn’t still there, how is this possible?

Also, too, moreover:

I came up with this ridiculous idea some 15 years ago called the Rhetorical Spirit Animals. These included the Metaphorse, the Giraffrence, and, of course, the Foxymoron.

Well, Geraldine, in the above referenced sentence, has earned a visit from the Similion. Like, ROAR!

Look: I can elaborate on all this if you people really want. Just not tonight. Not tonight, Jimi.

What is a man on a Metaphorse?

My friend Dan wrote a play once - I mean, I guess it was a play - entitled Waiting for Godot Even More So. I think I may remember this more than I remember Waiting for Godot. Because of course the whole point of Waiting for Godot isn’t in the details.

The idea that dinner could be a heightened reality version of waiting for Godot is simply wonderful. It doesn’t even require a dishwasher to fall from the sky.

I don’t know about you all, but I really needed to read about Bros’ today. Today in particular I really needed it. Perhaps you did too. Chances are you did not also need to read whatever this madness was. But, maybe you did. And if you did, Jimbo, then I’m glad I was here for you.

Me and the man on the horse.